For my first actual post I'd like to spend some time writing about Life's stages, and more importantly about the stage of marriage or rather what people view as the absence of it, when you've reached that time in your life. There is SO much information out there today about it, and what you should be/shouldn't be doing, and I realize one more article will most likely just be one more article. There will be no earth shattering revelations here, just hopefully some common sense, and some insight.
We all have those friends who met their "one true love" the first year of college, got married, and in today's most common words, "settled down." Then there are those of us, that went to college, left college. went to work, went back to school and then back to work, and our marital status has not changed. Then comes the phrase I have heard the most, "Just wait until you get settled, and done with school, you have no time for a relationship right now." My question is, when did having time for a relationship ever equate to having a relationship? And those friends in college that got married, did they have time? From what I remember about college was that it was an incredibly hectic 4 years, you had a paper due like every day, if not 2. Then there were those pesky things known as tests; if there ever is a time in your life when you simply don't have time for a relationship it's college. But somehow, those friends managed it, so getting to that marital status must not have to do with having time for it. Because unless you make time for the important things, "there's no time, Never any time!" haha. However, there is the fact that as you get older, your time fills up so much faster with other things. Suddenly you have bills to pay, an apartment to clean, church friends to see all throughout the week, watch parties to host, and all sorts of movie nights, game nights, Bible studies to attend, preparing to teach Bible classes on top of a job or grad school. The list sometimes doesn't stop there, so basically your time for other things becomes less and less, because no matter what your stage in life, your responsibilities are usually always increasing. So basically, I've said all that to say, that the argument of having time later, just isn't a valid one. I'll write a different article about time later but for now back to the topic at hand.
As a nation, I believe we are very much a work society, for example “Get better at your job and you’ll get a raise.” (Though it may have a few flaws, and may be far jump, play along with me here). So basically, if you want a better life, you have to work for it. Now if you do better work at your job, but don't get a raise, that must mean you did something wrong. So let's apply this logic to the situation at hand, to the unmarrieds out there. The world would say that if you aren’t married, the only right conclusion you can come to is that you aren’t good enough, that you are doing something wrong, but that just may not the case. Being good enough may have nothing to do with it. (I say "May Have nothing" because sometimes yes, what you do, may in fact have everything to do with it).
Sometimes it’s not what you are doing wrong, but shock and awe, it just may not be God’s timing yet. Ever think of that? With all this “You must not be married because you haven’t learned this yet or that yet…” which in essence says, “You are in control of your married state, not God.” If someone tells you that the reason you aren’t married is because you are not doing so-and-so, they are saying we as a human race are in control - you must be doing something wrong, or else you would be married. So keep following me here, so this must also puts forth the idea that before you are married, you both have to be perfect. I'm sorry, but I'll never be perfect, it's just not humanly possible. I can learn to be better, but perfection is something that a human being cannot attain. God, however, did not tell us we had to be perfect in order to be married, but that marriage was a blessing. And God gives us these blessings to further His kingdom and to glorify Him. That is our purpose in life as Christians, to spread His Word and glorify Him. If God has a use for us in our “current state,” then He will keep us there until that purpose is served. After all, we are not here for our happiness, but to do His will. For each stage in life there is a purpose from God. It is our duty to find it. Now this doesn't sound very romantic, I admit, and to be honest, looking at marriage as way to fulfill God's will, and not my own, kinda seems to suck all the fun out of it, and make kind of a utilitarian relationship out of marriage. BUT stick with me, God want's what is best for us, He truly loves each and every one, so I believe there's hope for romance haha.
Too often I believe we look at marriage as an end to achieve rather than a blessing from God (as if you haven’t been successful in life until you are married). And by blessing, I also think we have that meaning all tangled up. God’s good blessing may in fact not seem good to us at the time, but maybe just maybe singleness is a blessing, a chance to learn about and love God. God’s definition of good may in reality be our definition of bad. We think of things that make us happy as good, and those that make us suffer as bad. But if they make us grow closer to Him, then I believe that fits under God’s definition of good. I’m not saying that God wants us to be unhappy, rather He wants us, in whatever state we are in, to serve Him.
So if the next stage in our life is marriage, then God has a real purpose for that too. It’s not necessarily to make us happy but again to bring Him glory. So if as a couple, you could bring Him more glory than you could as a single person, then I believe God will bless you with that relationship. Again, do you follow me?? It’s about giving God Glory and doing His work, and acknowledging His absolute control, rather than thinking that you must be doing something wrong, or else you’d have this.
God created us all differently, and what I struggle with may not be a struggle for someone else, and vice versa. I read somewhere, that because of this difference some of us may have a harder time leaning on God and giving our lives totally to Him. We may have a harder time acknowledging that He is the source of all love, and all good things. I am not be saying this very well, but some personality types when they find love on earth, they put all their hopes and dreams in that one person, and give them all their love. Not a bad thing necessarily, however, if that happens before that person has developed a personal relationship with God, then that person may have a very hard time doing so at all. So for our good, and for His glory, He may withhold an earthly marriage relationship until we have had a chance to develop our relationship with Him, and put Him first in our lives. Other people may not have this problem, and thus these may be those people that married early in their adult lives. Just remember, God has a purpose for you now, and for you in the future, and you are where He wants you to be. He after all, made you the way you are, so don’t blame anyone, not yourself, not your friends, and definitely not God. He loves and wants what is best for you, and He knows what that is. So hold on, have faith! You can conquer even the really hard times.
And so one last word about advice; God’s timing is God’s timing, and those that are married who like to give us that are unmarried advice about how to change our state, well I’m sorry, but advice won’t change God’s timing. Now, if you see one of us making bad/immoral decisions, by all means do your best to get that person back. But if we seem happy, and seem to be living according to God’s Word, keep your advice to yourself. Well I hope I didn’t offend anyone, because that was not my purpose, but these things have been on my mind, and I just had to say them…..
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