Realizations....

The past two weeks I've been having realizations about myself:

1)        I am not a morning person (this is not news) or a night person..... Unless I am reading a fiction book. I can stay up till 3am reading if the book is that good. Right now I'm reading Insurgent (the 2nd book in the Divergent series). Which leads me to a second realization....

2)       I am getting fed up with characters in fiction stories who refuse to tell the truth, or withhold information that is vital. I'm not talking state secrets here, but if they would be a little more forthcoming with their significant others or good friends about what they are going to do, they may avoid these terrible situations they get themselves into in the first place. For instance, in Insurgent, Tris refuses to tell her boyfriend that she is going to sacrifice herself for a higher cause, because she thinks that is her only option. OKAY, he makes her promise not to, she lies, and does it anyway. She doesn't believe that he will come after her. He does, he almost dies, she practically dies,  and then has to be carried out midst gunfire on a crazy rescue mission. So boyfriend almost dies trying to save her from dying. Check. Then they talk it out mostly. And you would think she had learned her lesson to just blab when she's thinking about a crazy stunt. Nope not 2 days later she's back at it, lying to him again "because he left her no choice" UH yeah there's a choice, talk. Oh so irritating.

3)      Lastly, that the idea of "work first play later" doesn't work for me. I work much better after I have completed "playing". Say for example, I am reading a book. It's better for me to just read as much as I want, than for me to stop after a chapter or two  and go back to working. Once I finish the book I can then focus on work. I know it's weird, but having something to look forward to after I get done working doesn't work for me. That would be all I would think about, and I wouldn't do very good work. So I've discovered it's better for me to have fun first, get in a good mood, and then devote myself to work. Not sure how that works in life, haha but it's just something I realized.

"If you're waiting for the big finale, I'm sorry this is all I do."

I passed my thesis defense! Woohoo!!! Huge sigh of relief. Now I actually believe I will graduate with my master's. What a long, stressful, exhausting road. Many sleepless nights, hours in the lab, and hours upon hours of writing. I'm not done with the writing yet, but I will be.

For now I'm crashing. I don't care to think about anything. I thought it was just going to be for 2 days and then I'd be back to work, not so. I find I'm so tired that I can't do anything more than lay on the sofa and watch tv shows. Getting up, and having thought provoking conversations exhausts me. I think my brain and my body are all in, and need this serious downtime. Clearly I'm drained.

On that note, I have recently gotten obsessed with "24".  All through the process of preparing for my defense I would try and remind myself that no matter how bad my defense went, it couldn't be as bad as Jack Bauer's day.  I have made it through the first season, and am now 1/4th the way through the second season. And I still have 5 seasons to go after that before I even get to the new season which is airing now.

I must say, I admire Jack's daughter, Kim. For as many times as she has gotten kidnapped so far she has a head on her shoulders. Always thinking of ways to escape that aren't entirely stupid. Most of these shows I always get irritated at the women who get kidnapped, because when they try to escape they don't do it right, they don't think it out. Kim thinks it out. She's her father's daughter. She takes responsibility for her actions and tries to fix whatever mess she gets herself into, and doesn't whine and complain. I realize this is a fiction story, but I'm just glad they don't portray her as stupid. However, there is one thing that bugged me in the first season. She frequently used a payphone, but I'm never quit sure where she got the money for it. She didn't have a purse, and she was on the run, so that just confuses me.

I started reading "Divergent" two weeks ago and had to put it down for times sake because of my defense. I guess I'll pick that up again soon and finish it off. Training to be in Dauntless.... well that's just another impossible task. Which reminds me, I think I'm going to make a shirt like I've seen on Pinterest.... "Train like you've been picked for the Hunger Games" that should be a huge motivation.

Anyways that enough thinking for now, back to vegging.

It's a Crazy Life....

Not sure what I think about this yet..... I may have just completed my thesis! I can't think of anything else to fix, and I sent it to my advisor. Not sure if I feel relief yet, but I think I do.... Dancing and singing around the house.... Yeah I just may be relieved!

This picture says it all on how I've felt recently.... http://www.pinterest.com/pin/167688786099830846/

Now what to do?! Oh yeah, prepare for the defense. But not today! Maybe tomorrow. I need a break, so maybe I'll clean, do laundry and watch movies. :-) Maybe go take a nap in the sun.

Taking in a nap in the sun always sounds better than it is. Depending on the weather it could be cold, hot, or humid. It never fails that if the weather is absolutely perfect, and I just get settled, then the bugs come out. You already know how I feel about bugs. lol. If normal bugs leave me alone, then the mosquitos will for sure come. I swear if there is only 1 mosquito in a 10 mile radius it will come find me.

SO maybe no nap in the sun.  Plus that would be a hot nap, and no nap is usually much better than a hot nap.
So with nothing decided I'll leave off with the following:

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/167688786095722589/

And please can this come true?
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/167688786096539443/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5wP7sWJDu8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtDzpAx56-M

Bugs.

Bugs. I hate bugs. I especially despise lady bugs, spiders, Daddy long-legs, Walking sticks, and Praying Mantis.

Lady Bugs: They are everywhere. Ev-ery-where. I just took a drink of water from my cup, and what should land on the inside of my cup as I'm drinking? Yep, a lady bug. Screech! Gross. It got flicked across the room. Then another landed on me as I writing this. The absolute worst is when they land in your hair.

Spiders: Well let's just face it. Tiny body on eight creepy legs walking towards you, never did anyone any good. They can bite, and they can crawl into tiny holes, and then descend from ceilings on a string above someone's head. Not the most cordial fellows.

Daddy long-legs: They are like their counterpart the spider, yet with the greatest proportion of them being their legs. They are considered the deadliest spider, but their mouths aren't big enough to bite people. But they sure crawl up your legs.

Walking Sticks: REALLY!? Now who isn't scared of a stick that walks!? Though it really doesn't harm people, the fact that a stick is alive and following you, is just creepy. I mean what do you do? I know I back into a corner, far away from it, but meanwhile checking my surroundings for the other creepers before mentioned.

Praying Mantis: Now this sounds like a great thing, a bug that prays! What better kind of bug can you get? Uh no. I don't know if they are just praying we don't see them and squash them, but I sure am praying that they don't see me and fly into my face and hair, cause they are UGLY, and honestly the creepiest bug.  Big compound eyes, and some praying mantis can be 4 inches long! Big green, ugly body, that looks like it spring and attack you at any moment.

There, you now have a list of the bugs I hate. They aren't the thing I fear most. What I fear most is floating away in outer space. Yep, this completely terrifies me. And being run over by the propeller of a boat while in the water.

But bugs, I know they do good things for some plants, but they just freak me out. I wish they got it, and would stay away.

Righteous Indignation....

There is a lot on my mind as write this post. Things going on in my life, and many things going on around the world. I intended to write a post about a theme that was presented yesterday at the morning and evening services at my congregation. But suddenly that seems almost secondary. I am indignant. In this immoral and corrupt world, I am SICK of hearing the words, "Tolerance" and "Diversity", when the people that are so insistent on this thinking are anything but tolerant. I don't want to write a post about that, rather I want to write about Righteous Indignation. Because the righteous should surely be indignant by what is occurring in our world.

What is righteous indignation? I think it is best described in the Bible when Jesus went to the temple, found the greedy money changers, made a whip of cords (John 2:15), and drove them out. Overturning tables, and pouring out the money. That would definitely create quite a scene. On one hand, Jesus would call the little children to come unto Him, and tell His disciples to be as meek and trusting as they were. Then on the other hand, when He saw people taking advantage of others, in what was intended to be service to His Father, he became VERY angry.  

Ephesians 4:26 states, "Be angry and do not sin....." so clearly, there are reasons for us to get angry, and not be sinning. When wicked men do things that are blatantly against God's Word, we SHOULD get angry. What makes God angry and sad, should also make us angry and sad if we are God's children. What God hates, we should hate.

What does God hate? Proverbs 6:16-19, " These six things the LORD hates, Yes, Seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil. A false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren."

Proverbs 6:12-15 describes a wicked man, " A worthless person, a wicked man, Walks with a perverse mouth; He winks with his eyes, He shuffles his feet, He points with his fingers; Perversity is in his heart, he devises evil continually, He sows discord. Therefore his calamity shall come suddenly; Suddenly he shall be broken without remedy."

The things wicked men do should upset us. Upset us enough that we do something about it. I recently had the thought that the darker the world gets, the brighter our lights will shine. We are meant to be lights on a hill in all this darkness. Darkness is definitely everywhere. What can you do? "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men should do nothing." --Edmund Burke.  What will you do?

Waiting.....

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. It can really grate on your nerves. You do what you should, and still you wait.

Right now, I'm waiting to hear back from professor about my statistics for my thesis. I have been waiting on this for a month now. Finally last week I got hopeful when I received an email and I thought "surely now I can get back to work and finish this up." But no, the answer hadn't come. Now I'm back to waiting again. Waiting is frustrating. I want to be done, and move on with my life, but apparently I have to wait.

Patience in waiting. Patience is a virtue right?!

If this waiting is all to teach me patience, I'm kinda scared of what the future might hold: what is this lesson in patience preparing me for in the future? I cringe.... Or maybe I just get to learn patience, and then move on to learn another valuable lesson.

I really don't know what I'm supposed to be learning while I wait. So I guess I'll try and develop other talents, and fill my time with other good things while I wait. I really, really, want to be in a different stage in my life, but instead this one seems to go on and on.  So I guess I must take heart from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, and Philippians 4:11-13

"To everything there is a season,  A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born And a time to die..."

"11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ[a]who strengthens me."
  
"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:14

And when Psalms says "He shall strengthen your heart" well that's great, because all this waiting has me utterly exhausted, and I really have no energy to do anything. 

But I'll wait. There will most likely be tears and utter frustration, but I am determined that overall, I will wait on the Lord. After all, He loves me and knows what the future holds. If I can just hold on and wait....

Why You Should Never Wait Till You Have Time Later To Live Your Life....

After all, this one life is all each one of us has been given, we need to live in it, and live in it well. God created us all for a purpose, not just a purpose that we'll eventually figure out in the future, but a purpose for each and every day. I'm not saying that you have to know what your life plans on earth are immediately (some of us kinda have to fish around for that for a while), just know that there is a goodness and purpose for each day. Today is the only day we are guaranteed, and so live each day with purpose.

What is the legacy you wish to leave behind should you die tomorrow? What brings you true joy in this life? That you were a good student? Worker? Traveled a lot?  Whatever it is, choose well because unfortunately you can't be or do everything. For me, I want to have time in my life for God, family and friends. That's what I enjoy, do I want do other things? Oh yes!

It makes me sad when I hear someone say, "I'll do that later when I have more time." From where I am in life, I don't have more time in a day, but less. As you get older, you get more responsibilities, and thus less time to do the things you enjoy. So don't wait until you have time later, you won't, I guarantee it. Now don't get me wrong, sometimes you will have more time in the future to do the things you would love to do.  In college for example, you don't have much time to do anything, except school, at least I didn't.

So here's my wish for you: take time to figure out things you enjoy, or would enjoy learning how to do, and make a list... a Bucket List or whatever else you'd like to call it. Add big things, small things, and really ridiculous things. That way you can look at your list weekly and see what wouldn't take very much time to do, but that you could say you've done. For example, I have a bucket list, and on it are some pretty silly things, but still things I'd like to say I've done, and are very easy to do. One thing is to run into a department store and ask the cashier "What year is it?!" and when they say "2014" I'll yell "IT WORKED!!!" and run out of the store. See that doesn't take but 2 minutes to do, but I'd check it off my bucket list and be done and move on to the next silly thing, until I have the time and funds to do the bigger things on my list. But I will confess I've not been taking my own advice. I had decided in the spring that if I would do 1 thing a week on my bucket list, I could get a lot of things done. I realize some of the things take courage and gumption to do, while others require you to become incredibly embarrassed. Be okay with that. For me, it took months before I called up a studio to ask about taking dancing lessons. I had wanted to do it for several years, and finally bit the bullet, made the phone call, and honestly had the time of my life learning how to do some dancing. I also learned, but wasn't surprised, that I'm a terrible dancer, but hey I've checked that off my list! I proceeded then a year so later to take some other lessons that I wanted to take, and now I've checked that off my list.

See there is something that you can do now, that you really want to do and that will give you the courage that you will need later to do the big things.  I know it is said so frequently, but live in the moment and live now, because seriously it's all we have.

This very much applies to being a Christian as well. If you would like to improve in some areas, discover those areas, and find small ways to achieve that goal. Because if we wait till later to become a better Christian and to serve God, I'm sorry  but it's not going to be easier later either. Also, why wait to have a deep relationship with a God who loves you and can help you through the rough times. I've waited and then the rough times came, and I called on God, He heard me, but yet if I had been seeking Him the whole time, I truly believe those hard times wouldn't have been so hard.

Maybe this will help a little to put God's love into perspective: would you be willing to give your one and only son to die for something he did not do, so that a guilty person could walk off scot-free? That's what God did. So why wait to trust and love Him? No one else on earth can love you like He does. Find a way to serve Him now, and try and discover your talents, you do have them. Don't compare your talents to someone else's, God created you differently for a reason. There will be things you are good at, find a way to use that for the Lord. There will be things you will be terrible at, grow and try to be better at these things.

I just don't want my friends to suddenly find themselves too old to do the things they were planning on doing when they had more time. Live now, be who you are, and let God take care of the rest. :-)